Are dogs the new kids? The hard truth about dog mums & child substitutes | Episode 11

In recent years, the expression "dogs as a substitute for children" has become increasingly common in our everyday language. On social media, we read about "dog mums" and "dog dads", pets celebrate birthdays, get their own Instagram accounts or are put into partner pyjamas.

But what is behind this trend? Is it simply a matter of cute nicknames - or does it reflect a change in society?

We live in a time in which traditional family images are changing. More and more people are consciously deciding not to have children, whether for personal, financial or social reasons. At the same time, the number of households with dogs is growing. Dogs fill emotional gaps, provide support and structure - and often become more than "just" a pet.

In this article, we take the time to take a critical look at the "dogs as child substitutes" trend. We shed light on what this development says about us humans, where the opportunities lie, but also the dangers - and above all, what it means for dogs from a canine perspective.

In today's society, we are observing an exciting development: more and more people are consciously deciding against having children of their own, but not against responsibility or care. Instead, many are bringing a dog into their lives - and it often takes on a role that goes beyond "pet".

Why is that?
There are many reasons for this:

• Career focus: Many couples or singles concentrate on their career. A dog often fits better into a flexible life than a child.

• Financial reasons: Children cost over 200,000 euros until they come of age - a dog seems "cheaper", although it also requires money, time and energy.

• Social pressure: In a world that is becoming increasingly complex and uncertain, some people are simply afraid to bring children into this society.

• Emotional needs: Dogs offer closeness, love, structure - without the (human-social) conflicts that often occur in human relationships.

In countries such as Japan and South Korea, there are now more pets than children under the age of 15. The trend is also clear in Europe and the USA.

Seeing dogs as a substitute for children is a phenomenon of our time. But what does this really mean - and why is it problematic to force dogs into this role?

From a psychological point of view, dogs offer many things that appeal to people emotionally:

• Unconditional acceptance,

• Physical closeness,

• Reliability in everyday life.

These factors can play a major role, especially for people with an unfulfilled desire to have children or social deficits. Studies show:

• When caring for dogs, humans activate similar areas of the brain as parents do when caring for babies (e.g. oxytocin release).

• Dogs react to human emotions, read our facial expressions and gestures - this strengthens the bond.

But this is precisely where the risk lies: we tend to project our human needs onto the animal.
This means that the dog is no longer perceived as a dog, but as an emotional support, a substitute for a partner or a "child" to compensate for our own deficits.

From a cynological point of view - i.e. from the science of dog behaviour and biology - the following applies:

• A dog has different social structures than a human.

• His communication is based on body language, odours and facial expressions - not on language or human emotions.

• Dogs need clear, dog-friendly guidance: safety, routine, appropriate exercise (physical, mental, social).

If a dog is treated like a child, problems often arise:

• He is emotionally overloaded (e.g. constantly at the centre of attention, no rest periods).

• He is not given clear boundaries because "mum" or "dad" only want to spoil him.

• He develops behavioural problems such as separation anxiety, excessive barking or aggression because he does not have a role in the social structure that is appropriate for a dog.

A dog does not live to fill an emotional hole. Its dignity as an animal means respecting it as an independent living being - with its own needs and boundaries.
If we act out of selfish motives ("I need a replacement for..."), we run the risk of overtaxing or even abusing the animal, even if this is not intentional.

Even though dogs offer us emotional closeness, we must not forget that their role in our lives is different from that of a child. A child develops into an independent person in the course of its life, it asks questions, rebels, wants to become independent and searches for its own identity. A dog, on the other hand, remains dependent on us for the rest of its life. It does not "grow up" in the sense that it detaches itself from its carer or is able to take responsibility for its own life.

This means that we can build a deep, loving and close bond with our dog, but we must not force him into roles that contradict his nature. A dog needs us as a reliable carer, not as a surrogate mother or father. He doesn't need us because we have to fill an emotional gap, but because as a dog he needs species-appropriate guidance, security and care.

If we prioritise our own needs over those of the dog, we create a dangerous imbalance. We run the risk of overlooking what the dog really needs as an animal: social contact with other dogs, clear rules, exercise, rest periods and dog-friendly activities. Instead, we unconsciously make him emotionally responsible for our own problems - for loneliness, unfulfilled wishes or the desire for security. This not only jeopardises his well-being, but also the quality of our relationship with him in the long term.

A healthy human-dog relationship is based on mutual respect, genuine understanding and species-appropriate care. It is not created by projecting human expectations onto the animal, but by recognising it for what it is: a dog, with all its own needs, abilities and limitations.

The close bond between humans and dogs is something special. It is one of the oldest human-animal relationships of all. Dogs have been with us for thousands of years - as hunting aids, herding dogs, guard dogs or simply as loyal companions. Today, however, in an increasingly individualised society, a new question is coming into focus: Are dogs the new children? Are dogs seen as a substitute for children?

Dogs are considered to be highly social animals that are evolutionarily moulded to cooperate with humans. Already during domestication, they were specifically selected for their ability to co-operate and read human signals. This shared history spanning thousands of years has led to dogs being able to read human facial expressions, gestures and even emotions with impressive accuracy.

A remarkable study by Nagasawa et al. (2015) showed that when humans and dogs make eye contact, oxytocin, the so-called "bonding hormone", is released in both bodies - the same hormone that strengthens the bond between mother and child.

From a psychological point of view, people often transfer family structures to their animals. This does not necessarily happen out of a conscious need for substitution, but often out of care: you care, you worry, you enjoy closeness. Nevertheless, unconscious emotional projections can play a role here. People who experience social gaps or loneliness in particular often see their dog not just as an animal, but as a confidant, a partner in everyday life or even a kind of child.

From an ethical point of view, this emotional closeness is not problematic as long as the dog is taken seriously in its own way: as a dog, with its own needs, abilities and limits.

In cynological terms, this means that dogs need clear guidance, species-appropriate exercise and social contact with other dogs - and not the role of a human child that bears too much responsibility for the emotional balance of its human. This is the only way to create a healthy bond that allows closeness without slipping into humanisation.

In many European countries - including Germany, Switzerland and Austria - a decline in the birth rate can be observed. Career focus, economic uncertainty, flexible lifestyles and changing partnership models mean that couples or individuals are consciously deciding not to have children. Nevertheless, the desire for care, closeness and social bonding remains for many. Dogs often fill an emotional gap here: It offers closeness, needs care and at the same time is not perceived as life-changing and stressful in the long term as a child.

From a psychological point of view, the fact that dogs have similar needs to children on many levels plays a major role: Protection, care, rules and emotional affection. This activates instinctive care mechanisms in humans that are closely linked to our attachment system. People with a high need for attachment in particular, but who do not (or cannot or do not want to) have children of their own, for example, often project this need onto their dog.

Dogs are highly social animals that depend on clear communication, guidance and species-appropriate behaviour. However, if a dog is seen as a "child", it is often humanised. This means:

• Natural behaviours are misinterpreted, such as requests to play or exploratory behaviour.

• Boundaries are not set because owners are afraid of appearing "strict".

• Emotional pressure is transferred to the dog when it is supposed to replace the role of a partner or child.

Dogs need a clear social structure that corresponds to their nature. They are neither children nor small people, but dogs with specific needs: Exercise, mental exercise, social contact (with people and conspecifics) and periods of rest.

If dogs are seen as a substitute for children, the following problems can arise:

• Separation anxiety: Excessive attachment leads to stress when the human leaves.

• Behavioural problems: Barking, destroying, uncleanliness or aggression often arise from insecurity.

• Frustration: A lack of leadership confuses the dog, he takes on responsibility that is too much for him.

• Restricted quality of life: Instead of being allowed to sniff, romp and learn, the dog lives in a "human bubble".

Doing justice to a dog does not mean treating it like a baby, but respecting it as an independent being.

Studies show that dogs have a strong ability to bond with humans, comparable to the bond between small children and their parents (Topál et al., 1998). However, dogs benefit above all from clear, consistent relationships, not from emotional overload.

Psychologists warn that when dogs are supposed to fill emotional gaps that actually concern interpersonal relationships, this can be stressful for both humans and animals (Kurdek, 2008).

The topic of "dogs as a substitute for children" is complex, emotionally charged and highly topical in society. We have seen that dogs can play an enormous role in the lives of many people - and that is not a bad thing to begin with. Dogs enrich our lives, give us joy, closeness and familiarity.

But the crucial thing is: dogs are not children. They are not substitutes, projection screens for unfulfilled desires or fill-ins for loneliness. They are independent living beings with their own needs, emotions and behaviour.

Species-appropriate husbandry means:

• to love the dog,

• to take responsibility for him,

• recognise and fulfil his needs,

• but also to leave him his canine dignity.