When we lose a dog, we lose far more than "just an animal". We lose a loyal companion, a family member and often also an emotional support in everyday life. Nevertheless, grief over dogs is often underestimated or even ridiculed in our society. Statements such as "It was only a dog" reflect a profound lack of knowledge about the emotional bond between humans and dogs. The pain of losing a dog is real and can be explained scientifically.
Studies show that the emotional bond with pets activates similar mechanisms in the brain as the bond between humans. Loss triggers complex psychological, biological and social reactions that are in no way less serious than grieving for a human relative. In this blog, we take a psychological, neuroscientific and ethical look at why grief for dogs is experienced so intensely - and why it deserves to be fully recognised. We would also like to provide you with practical, scientifically based impulses that can help you to understand and cope with this difficult journey a little better.
Contents
Attachment theory: protection, closeness and security
The emotional relationship between humans and dogs is based on deeply rooted psychological mechanisms. To understand why grief for dogs is so profound, it is worth taking a look at classical attachment theory.
John Bowlby assumed that attachment is a biologically anchored behavioural system that was developed in evolutionary terms to ensure the survival of young animals. Attachment figures offer protection, closeness, affection and emotional security.
However, persistently high cortisol levels lead to negative effects in the long term: Weakening of the immune system, increase in inflammation levels, sleep disorders, cardiovascular problems and increased susceptibility to depression.
As social creatures, dogs have specialised over thousands of years in orienting themselves towards humans as bonding partners. Studies show that dogs need a secure base in order to explore the world curiously and without fear - similar to small children.
When we are with our dogs:
- Share regular rituals (e.g. walks, feeding, cuddling)
- behave sensitively and reliably
- respond to their needs
... a secure bond is created that offers them not only social but also biological security.
A secure bond means that the dog can regulate stress more quickly, shows less separation anxiety and is generally more resilient to environmental stimuli.
Attachment types according to Ainsworth (1978)
The type of bond that develops between humans and dogs strongly influences how intensely the dog's grief is experienced.
These attachment patterns do not develop by chance - they arise from the experiences that individuals have in relationships.
Bonding is formed from the interplay of:
Reliability of the caregiver (e.g. does he or she fulfil emotional and physical needs?)
Speed of reaction (e.g. how sensitively do you react to stress or uncertainty?)
Predictability (e.g. is the behaviour consistent or changeable?)
Bonding is formed from the interplay of:
Reliability of the caregiver (e.g. does he or she fulfil emotional and physical needs?)
Speed of reaction (e.g. how sensitively do you react to stress or uncertainty?)
Predictability (e.g. is the behaviour consistent or changeable?)
Different attachment styles develop depending on these experiences:
Secure binding:
Develops when attachment figures respond reliably to needs. Dogs that have this experience develop trust and show moderate stress reactions when separated, which they can quickly regulate.
→ Grieving for a dog: Even if the loss is painful, it is often easier to come to terms with it.Insecure-avoidant attachment:
Develops when needs are frequently ignored or treated as unimportant. Dogs learn to suppress their emotions to avoid disappointment.
→ Grief for a dog: Grief is often rationalised and emotionally blocked, but remains unresolved in the background.Insecure-ambivalent attachment:
Occurs when attachment figures are unpredictable - sometimes responsive, sometimes dismissive. Dogs develop intense attachment and a great fear of loss.
→ Grief for a dog: Loss can trigger particularly strong emotional shocks; long-lasting, difficult to cope with grief.Disorganised bonding:
Develops with extremely contradictory or even fear-inducing experiences. Dogs show confused behaviour: Seeking and avoiding closeness at the same time.
→ Grief for dog: Can lead to very ambivalent grief reactions - between despair, feelings of guilt and emotional numbness.
Attachment types arise from early relationship experiences. They shape how intensely and in what way a person experiences the loss of an attachment partner such as a dog.
A dog owner with a very intensive, almost symbiotic relationship with his dog experiences not only deep sadness after the loss, but also existential insecurity: Who will give me support? Who understands me without words?
Especially when the dog was the main source of emotional security, the gap is particularly difficult to fill.
Devalued grief: Why many sufferers feel misunderstood
Grieving for a dog is one of the most profound emotional experiences for many people. Nevertheless, mourners often encounter a lack of understanding, rejection or even ridicule in their social environment.
Sentences like:
"It was just a dog."
"Just get a new one."
"You don't have to be sad about that for so long."
are not uncommon. They not only hurt, but also unsettle those affected in their own perception of grief. The lack of recognition of the pain is referred to as disenfranchised grief.
Ethicists such as Tom Regan (1983) and Martha Nussbaum (2006) argue that animals not only want to avoid suffering, but actively strive for a fulfilled life.
This means that animals have interests and rights \u2013 and that their relationships with humans also have an ethical significance.
If the environment does not recognise the grief, important resources for processing it are missing: open conversations, understanding and compassion.
This can lead to a feeling of isolation - and in severe cases even increase the risk of depression.
The ethical dimension of devalued grief
A deeper reason for the social devaluation of dog mourning lies in the way animals are viewed historically and legally.
In many legal systems - including in Germany and Switzerland - animals are still legally regarded as "things". Although social awareness is changing, this view continues to characterise collective attitudes: animals are often perceived more as property than as sentient subjects.
The concept of sentience scientifically proves that dogs can feel emotions such as joy, fear, pain and sadness.
Their emotional depth is comparable to that of small children.
When grief for dogs is devalued, it often reflects the unconscious assumption that the life and relationship of an animal is worth less than that of a person.
This ethical misjudgement not only violates the dignity of the deceased animal, but also the emotional bond that existed between man and dog.
By taking grief for dogs seriously, we are doing far more than respecting an individual's pain:
We recognise the independence, emotional world and moral value of the dog.
Ethicists such as Tom Regan (1983) and Martha Nussbaum (2006) argue that animals not only want to avoid suffering, but actively strive for a fulfilled life.
This means that animals have interests and rights \u2013 and that their relationships with humans also have an ethical significance.
"Vito was perfect from the very first moment - a real soul dog."
Grief models: from the classic 5-phase model to the dual process
A look at various psychological models helps to better understand grief for dogs.
Classic model: The 5 stages of grief (Kübler-Ross, 1969)
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross describes five emotional phases that many mourners go through:
Denial ("That can't be.")
Anger ("Why did this happen?")
Negotiate ("If I... then maybe...")
Depression ("It's all pointless.")
Acceptance ("I'm learning to live with it.")
These phases are not linear. Many mourners jump between the phases or experience them several times.
Modern model: The dual process model (Stroebe & Schut, 1999)
The dual model describes grief as a pendulum movement between two poles:
Loss orientation: allowing pain, processing memories.
Restorative orientation: Restructure everyday life, allow distraction.
Consciously alternating between pain and distraction helps to process grief in a healthier way.
Neuroscientific perspectives: Oxytocin and stress reactions
Grieving for a dog is not only an emotional process, but also a clearly measurable neurobiological one. The loss of a trusted bonding partner has a direct impact on the brain, hormone production and the entire organism.
Oxytocin: the bonding hormone
When we live together with our dogs, the so-called bonding hormone oxytocin is released in large quantities. The oxytocin level rises significantly in both humans and dogs, especially when exchanging glances, touching or interacting together.
Oxytocin has a calming effect on the brain: it reduces the activity of the stress axes and conveys a feeling of security and belonging.
If this daily source of oxytocin release suddenly disappears due to the loss of the dog, the brain experiences a hormonal "void".
The feeling of loneliness, inner turmoil and emotional instability after the death of a dog can therefore not only be explained psychologically, but also has a direct neurobiological basis.
The brain needs time to adapt to the changed hormone balance. This adjustment process is an additional stressor that can make the grieving process even more intense when a dog is lost.
However, persistently high cortisol levels lead to negative effects in the long term: Weakening of the immune system, increase in inflammation levels, sleep disorders, cardiovascular problems and increased susceptibility to depression.
Stress reactions in the event of animal loss
In addition to the decrease in oxytocin, there is also an increase in the stress hormone cortisol.
Cortisol is released in stressful situations to mobilise short-term energy reserves and ensure survival.
The loss of a dog is an ongoing stressful situation for the body. As dogs fulfil many functions in everyday life - providing structure, emotional support, social interaction partners - their death creates a massive gap that can keep stress hormones continuously high.
When grieving for a dog, many of those affected experience classic symptoms of chronic stress:
Insomnia or restless sleep
Loss of appetite or overeating
Muscle tension, headaches
Feelings of inner emptiness and listlessness
Weakening of the body's own immune defences
However, persistently high cortisol levels lead to negative effects in the long term: Weakening of the immune system, increase in inflammation levels, sleep disorders, cardiovascular problems and increased susceptibility to depression.
Summary
Grieving for a dog is a profound emotional and physical experience that goes far beyond the loss of a "pet". Scientific findings from psychology, neuroscience and ethics show that the emotional bond with dogs activates similar neuronal mechanisms as the bond with human relatives.
John Bowlby's attachment theory explains why dogs are emotional security anchors in everyday life and why their loss is a fundamental upheaval. The type of attachment experienced - whether secure, avoidant, ambivalent or disorganised - has a significant influence on how intensely the grief for the dog is felt.
Devalued grief, which arises from a lack of social understanding, and the historically characterised view of animals as property further intensify psychological stress. Recognising animals as sentient beings (sentience) makes it clear that their role in our lives is also ethically significant.
Grief models such as the 5-phase model or the dual process model help to better understand individual grief processes.
Neuroscientific studies show that the loss of a dog triggers measurable hormonal and physical stress reactions: oxytocin levels fall, while stress hormones such as cortisol rise.
Dogs are evolutionarily deeply attuned to humans. Their ability to read emotions and provide closeness makes them unique social partners. That is why their death leaves not only an emotional but also a neurobiological gap.
Scientifically based strategies - such as grief admission, rituals, social support and mindfulness - can help to better cope with grief for dogs.
Grieving for a dog deserves the same recognition and dignity as any other form of loss. It is an expression of deep emotional attachment and respect for a sentient fellow creature.
How long does it take to grieve for a dog?
The length of time it takes to grieve for a dog is very individual. Some people need a few weeks, others months or even years to come to terms with the loss. The decisive factor is not the length, but the intensity and personal way of dealing with the grief.
Is it normal that grieving for my dog is just as painful as grieving for a person?
Yes, absolutely. Scientific studies show that the emotional bond between humans and dogs activates similar psychological and neurological mechanisms as the bond with human relatives. Grief for a dog can therefore be just as deep and intense.
What helps me to cope better with the grief of my deceased dog?
Farewell rituals (e.g. a memorial service), dialogue with other mourners, new daily structures and mindfulness exercises are helpful. Professional support, such as grief counselling or discussions with psychologists, can also help to come to terms with the loss.
Should I get a new dog quickly to ease the pain?
A new dog can enrich your life, but should not be seen as a replacement for the deceased dog. Only when the intense grieving phase has been processed can the decision for a new animal be made out of love and openness - not out of a feeling of lack.
Why doesn't my environment take my grief for my dog seriously?
Many people underestimate the depth of the bond between humans and dogs. In societies where animals are still often seen as possessions, there is often a lack of understanding of the emotional and ethical significance of this relationship. It is important to know: Your feelings are justified, even if those around you can't always understand them.
The authors: Paulina & Lui
Paulina and Lui are the heart and soul behind Vitomalia [Dogtraining & Store]. Her journey in dog training began with the adoption of her first list dog, Vito. This experience sparked her deep interest in teaching other dog owners about dog behaviour and training. Initially this was just a hobby, but with the adoption of the American Pitbull dog Amalia, who had been relinquished several times due to severe behavioural problems, her passion developed into a true vocation. Amalia's particular behavioural challenges intensified her interest in dog training and behavioural therapy. This turning point led Paulina and Lui to leave their original career paths, undergo intensive further training and dedicate themselves fully to the subject of dog training. Their work with human-dog teams also revealed a gap in the dog market: there was a lack of safe, high-quality dog accessories specifically for medium-sized and large breeds.
From this realisation, Vitomalia [Dogtraining & Store] was born, a combination of their commitment to professional dog training and the need for quality dog accessories. Paulina and Lui bring their personal experience, extensive knowledge and passion for dogs to every product to help human-dog teams live together.
Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and Loss: Vol. 1. Attachment. Basic Books.
Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of Attachment: A Psychological Study of the Strange Situation. Lawrence Erlbaum.
Doka, K. J. (1989). Disenfranchised Grief: Recognizing Hidden Sorrow. Lexington Books.
Kübler-Ross, E. (1969). On Death and Dying. Macmillan.
Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (1999). The Dual Process Model of Coping with Bereavement. Death Studies.
Nagasawa, M., Mitsui, S., En, S., et al. (2015). Oxytocin-gaze positive loop and the coevolution of human-dog bonds. Science, 348(6232), 333–336.
McEwen, B. S. (1998). Protective and damaging effects of stress mediators. New England Journal of Medicine, 338(3), 171–179.
Chur-Hansen, A. (2010). Grief and bereavement issues and the loss of a companion animal. Clinical Psychologist, 14(1), 14–17.
Regan, T. (1983). The Case for Animal Rights. University of California Press.
Nussbaum, M. C. (2006). Frontiers of Justice: Disability, Nationality, Species Membership. Harvard University Press.
Share: